The Visit to the Orphanage

This was a hard day.  We chose to go to a city in Piper's province to visit an orphanage and Maria's Big House of Hope.  Piper's orphanage was too far away and not an option to visit so we tagged along with some other families to see their daughters' orphanage.  Dennis and I decided ahead of time that only I would go in the orphanage because it may be too traumatic for Piper.  Even though it was not her home orphanage, they all look so similar and we were so afraid she would think we were leaving her there.  Two weeks before her adoption, her home orphanage (Pingdingshan Social Welfare Institute) showed up at her wonderful foster placement and took her to get her passport completed.  She was uprooted from a place of love and comfort and placed into a huge orphanage with strangers with no preparation.  We also know that China feels it is good to disrupt attachment...taking children from positive foster placements and putting them in the institutional care so they are not so sad when their adoptive parents come to receive them...no thought of the poor children in that process.  I would much rather have held and consoled a crying baby than my poor little girl who had no affect and such a blank stare when we received her that first day.  Anyway...I've digressed...more about our visit:

We took a 2 hour drive in a small bus to Luoyang and Piper immediately shut down.  She was doing so beautifully prior to this - bonding, laughing, playing.  She just kind of went limp on the ride and slept a LOT and it wasn't even close to nap time.  We realized the last time she took a long car ride was when the orphanage worker brought her to Zhengzhou to meet us.  Did she think she was going to be handed off again...quite possibly.  We got to the orphanage.  It was a huge building on the outskirts of the city. 

                                                                          Front view:

Side View:

Dennis hung out outside with Piper and unfortunately she was upset the whole time, alternating crying with withdrawal.  I of course was inside so didn't know.  I along with 3 other families went inside and what immediately struck me was the silence...eery silence.  There were 635 kids living here and we heard nothing.  No laughter...no tears....no playing....nothing.  The guide took us up to one of the floors and we saw some adorable little boys.  They all ran to the gate and held up their arms saying "mama, mama, mama"....talk about breaking your heart....mine felt like it was being chipped away in little pieces.  Why can't I just take them home with me?  Why is adoption so hard?  Why can't I just hold them and tell them they are loved?

We looked at some other rooms and apparently the children were all eating lunch so they were empty but they wouldn't let us see them eating.  We saw what they wanted us to see, which was disappointing but I'm not sure my heart could have handled seeing much more...and this was one of the "good" orphanages.  We did see some babies napping and the room just seemed so stark and lacking comfort...no blankies, binkies, stuffed animals, or mommies and daddies to rock them.

Two babies/toddlers to every crib:

After the tour (if you want to call seeing 4 rooms of this enormous building a tour) we met with the orphanage director.  He was very kind and appreciative of us adopting.  The conference room where we met was very nice - air conditioning, pictures on the walls, nice furniture, and bottles of water at every seat.  It made me ill to be treated like this when there were precious babies the next floor down living so minimally.  They even gave us all a gift, which again was a genuinely kind gesture but I wanted to send them all back and take the money to buy some toys for these sweet little ones.  Even people on the other side of the world know how materialistic we Americans are.  I. Hate. It.

We then headed off to Maria's Big House of Hope and I was feeling "hope"ful that it would be a happier place.  It was amazing!!  Just pulling up and seeing that big building painted blue with clouds on it made me smile.  We were a little nervous to take Piper in but thought we'd give it a try.  We stepped in the doors and immediately felt JOY.  It exuded happiness and love and Piper could feel it too.  She got down to play on the floor and even smiled for the first time since leaving that day.  The children were beautiful and happy, free to move about the building.  The staff were loving and gentle, just as a mother would be.  So glad we were able to experience this gift.  For those of you that don't know, this was started by Stephen Curtis Chapman's orphan ministry after his daughter Maria died.  If you haven't read Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to See" do it!